Venus Dream

July 2013 Ramadan

I’m floating in the abyss, looking up at a brilliant and bright eight-pointed star.

Her light is pure and shines and radiates down upon my face and skin
I float in the dark abyss.
It is just me and the star. Nothing else. Nothing exists in this space but us.

I slowly begin to descend downward, away from the star.

A man's voice, deep and warm, echoes from the heavens, “منخفض…منخفض.”
He repeats over and over as I make my descent.

I’m falling slowly, and it feels like years have passed by me.

The star grows distant — her light flickering, eons away.
I can barely see her now.

A glimmer.

Then nothing.

I am alone in darkness.

I descend further, and my clothes unravel and disintegrate from me.
I’m bare. The darkness consumes me.

Lower.

Lower.

“منخفض,” the man repeats, his voice coming from all directions. North, South, East, West. 

My feet finally touch the earth —
the same relief as when my toes reach the sea floor after drifting too far in deep waters.

The voice never leaves me. It does not abandon me.

Then حب blooms from my heart — sudden, immense.
It envelops me, swaddling me like an infant.
It radiates outward, forming a protective aura around my body.

I am loved.
Oh, I am deeply loved…

I close my eyes, floating in the love.

Then I gently return to the physical world.

Gentle…gentle. 

I’m softly awakened by my father's footsteps creaking the floorboards in the hallway.
He is making his rounds to wake us for Fajr and Suhoor.
His face appears in the hushed night at my door frame.

“Baba..” I whisper

Imad: “نعم يا أماني؟”

“I had a dream, Baba.”

Imad: “What did you dream,يا بابا?”

“I had a dream of a bright eight-pointed star in the sky, and I was falling slowly away from it, down. A man's voice surrounded me from the heavens, repeating “منخفض”. What does منخفض mean, Baba? I never heard of this word. My clothes unraveled from me, and I was wrapped in a warm blanket once I reached the ground. I felt immense love...Love as I have never felt in my life...it wrapped me.”

The whites of my father's eyes widened in the dark, and I sensed fear as he shuddered.

Imad: “You do not know what منخفض means, حبيبتي?”

“No…I don’t know this word.”

Imad: “It means to descend…to go low….to be lowered”

“What does it mean, Baba?”

He is quiet. He pauses.

“...This dream is from Allah…You have officially begun your womanhood…Your journey…You are no longer a girl يا أماني…you will descend and go low and undergo many years of hardship and suffering..but Allah will always watch over you, guide you, protect you, and love you always… 

Are you going to go through with your decision knowing this? Knowing you will suffer a great deal…”

“Yes, Baba..I will go through with my decision knowing this… What does the star mean?”

Imad: “...I see. I don’t know what the star is or means.”
He stares down at the ground solemnly.
“I respect your decision then… Come and pray the fajr with your Baba

 فيقي (Rise)”

I pull my blankets off me and rise to meet him.

________________________________________________________________________________________

Many years went by, and I tried to read and find answers to what this dream meant.

My first real and substantial discovery was in 

2020 during COVID, after the death of my Taita.

I used to go on night hikes by myself at around 1 am and stay out for several hours.
I’d hike through the meadows and forest till exhaustion.
I’d make my feet numb to quiet my thoughts and walk like a zombie back to my bed. 

My mother hated it when I would do this, so I would turn off my location on my phone not to give her anxiety.

One night, I looked up at the sky and saw a big, bright eight-pointed star.

I downloaded the Skyscape app on my phone and discovered this was not actually a star but the planet Venus, and that she was in the evening star phase since I was able to see her after sunset.

I began to read the symbolism and significance of what the Mesopotamian, Babylonian, Greek, and Canaanite cultures spoke of this eight-pointed star (Venus).

I had come to find that the eight-pointed star represents Astarte, the goddess of love, femininity, beauty, fertility, sacred desire, war, and political power.

2023 I learn about the story of the descent of Inanna/Astarte into the underworld

2024 I make the discovery that the 8-pointed star is the same as the morning star and appears before the dawn, the Bethlehem star that guided the three wise men to Jesus. That the women of Beit Lahem tatreez the cross (representing Jesus) and four Evangelists, متى (Matthew), مرقس (Mark), لوقا (Luke), يوحنا (John) in each corner, discreetly forming the 8-pointed star, sometimes cross-stitched as flowers. And do we not see our men as flowers? 

In Islam we believe Ramadan is time of year when the heavens are closest to us. The veil is at its thinnest.  The right pointed star is seen as the throne of Allah and represents the gates of heaven or eight angles holding the thone of Allah. Scholars interpret this as our soul conception of the great creator and descent to earth.

2025 I’m studying the thobes and looking over motifs. I have the Gaza thobe I retrieved from an Israeli woman lying flat on my bed.

It suddenly hits me what I’m looking at.

I trace my fingers over a deep V and an 8-pointed star amulet “Rub Al Hizb” that sits at the lowest point of the V. It is placed over the chest (قبّة) of the wearer, where the heart resides.

My heart is pounding. 

Why did it take me so long to make the connection? Almost 13 years have passed.

I have been wearing thobes since I was a little girl.

My ancestors are the keepers of this knowledge.

And the descent was not abandonment. It was an initiation. Transformation.

 Now I know. 

What disappears will return.
What is stolen will be reclaimed.
What dies will be reborn.